the more things i say , it only seems like the more im trying to find excuse for myself`
WHY THE FUCK IS THIS ALL NONSENSE COMING ?
I CANT HEAR THE PHONE RING WHEN YOU ALL CALLED ? AND WHEN I WAS HOLDING ON TO PHONE YOU ALL DONT CALL ?
I HELD MY PHONE IN MY HAND MOST OF THE TIME SINCE I LEFT HOME THIS NOON .
UNTIL BBQ STARTED ` I LEFT MY PHONE IN MY BAG .
BUT WHEN I SAW THE 6 MISS CALLS AND MSG , I DID CALL BACK . I FUCKING SWEAR .
I CALLED MUM . I COULDNT REACH HER . FROM THE TONE I KNEW SHE WAS IN SG .
SO I CALLED HOME TO ASK BRO . COS HE WAS THE ONE WHO SENT ME SMS .
HE ASKED ME IF I WOULD BE HAVING DINNER BEFORE I CAME HOME . I TOLD HIM .
WHEN WE WERE RESTING & PLAYING ZHONG JI MI MA . THEY DIDNT CALL .
UNTIL ON THE WAY HOME . I DIDNT EVEN HAVE THE EXTRA HAND TO GO AND TAKE MY PHONE.
I LEFT IT IN MY BAG . AGAIN !
AND WHEN I WAS REACHING OUR ESTATE . I HEARD MY PHONE RANG .
I TOOK IT OUT . ONLY TO SEE 8 MISSED CALLS FROM DAD .
I CALLED HIM BACK . HE SCOLDED ME .
HE ASKED ME WHY DID I ONLY HEAR THE PHONE RANG AFTER THE WHOLE DAY ` HE TRIED MORE THAN 10 ATTEMPTS .
ONLI ONE OUT OF TEN I HEARD .
HE ASKED ME WHAT KIND OF PHONE IS MY PHONE
CANT HEAR ? CANT FEEL ?
I TOLD HIM MY PANTS WERE BIG . I WAS WALKING . I CANT HEAR . I CANT FEEL .
AFTER SAYING THIS , I FEEL THAT IF I WERE THEM , IT ALL SEEMED SO FAKE .
I KNOW IT SOUNDS FAKE . BUT THIS IS THE GOODNESS FUCKING TRUE KNN `
THE MORE I TRY TO EXPLAIN THE MORE FAKE IT SEEMS .
I TOLD HIM I DID CALLED BACK TO BROTHER . HE ASK ME .
WHO CALL U ?
U CALL WHO ?
FUCKING BEFORE I GOT A CHANCE TO EXPLAIN HE PASSED THE PHONE TO MUM .
SHE SAID IN A BETTER TONE BUT I WASNT GIVEN A CHANCE TO EXPLAIN
GOD DAM HELL BLOODY FKING SHYT .
I WAS WAITING FOR THEM TO COME BACK TO SAY THINGS CLEAR .
BUT MUM CAME HOME ALONE .
BEFORE I COULD FINISH EXPLAINING WAD I WANTED TO ,
MY VOICE STARTED TO TREMBLE . TEARS STARTED TO WELL .
I COULDNT EVEN EXPLAIN WHAT THE FUCK I WANTED TO . THEN MUM ASKED ME , THEN JUS NOW DAD CALL YOU ? YOU BATHING ? I DIN EVEN BOTHERED TO REPLY . THE MORE I EXPLAIN , THE MORE I FEEL LIKE TO THEM IM ONLY FINDING EXCUSE . FUCK.
ITS FUCKING LIKE A DREAM . SUCH NICE START. SUCH PATHETIC FUCKING CB ENDING.
IM FEELING SO VIOLENT NOW . I FEEL LIKE PUNCHING WALL . FEEL LIKE BANGING THINGS TO HELL .
FEEL LIKE BANGING THE WALL .
ITS DAM FUCK UP .