i tot i could have support from you all ` i foolishly thought so `
so i went out with my friends to study . to do wadever i can to make up for the loss `
but i din know that this is wad you think `
i din know that you would ask me this way `
the way you ask me exams are coming ? the way you said then you still dunwan work hard ` still go to friends house and study `
no one fucking know how tis broke my heart . no one ` NO FUCKING ANYONE `
i wanted to tell YOU SO MUCH ` I DIDNT WENT TO FRIEND'S HOUSE STUDY ` I DIDNT WENT OUT TO LIKE HAVE FUN `
then i held my tears . gobbled my dinner . hold on to my tears . thinking to myself .
why ? why when i start to work hard . no one cares . why why i work hard . you have no eyes to see .
why the fucking hell isit that i have no chance to prove all this ?
then you asked me . alot ppl ? ii replied you four .
then you asked , teach other ?
ii could only nod my head . nod my fucking head .
then when mum saw how little i ate . she came asking
WAH REALLY ON DIET
WHAT THE FUCK `! WHAT THE FUCK !
IM NOT ON DIET . IM NOT . ITS JUST THAT I HAVE NO APPETITE . Why the fuck am i saying all this ? would anyone care ?
the stress i get from myself by asking myself every possible minute : WHY HAVE I BURNT UP THE LAST DREG OF FUEL ?
is already very overwhelming .
seriously i swear .
i dont know when will i shout at people like crazy saying that i tried doing all i could .
i dont know when will i sit down and breakdown like no body's business .
i dont watch tv . it has been more den 2 months since i last sat down and watch any show .
and you think all this time wad was i doing ?
i expected the most understanding from you .
i tot even the whole world doesnt understand me but you could
im wrong . im so foolish . im so stupid . im so childish .
my tears has ran dry . i have no more tears to shed . i've shed out all the tears. but my heart is aching like fuck .
like fuck .
i feel like banging my head against the wall . i feel like losing my memory . i feel like forgetting every thing .
i tried everything i can ` but now it all seem so useless to me . im very tired . very very tired .
i dont know what to do . i dont know how to think positively . i dont know how to cheer up . i dont know . my mind is blank .
it hurts. so deeply . this is the 2nd time i felt so devastated .
this is the 2nd time when i felt so helpless . this is the 2nd time i cry until i dont wish any one to comfort me .
this is the 2nd time words cant express my feelings . totally .
Labels: dad, i wished if you could understand `